Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
