ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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