He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
What a dumb baby whore.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
