Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
