He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
sex in a hospital.. check
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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