he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize