I want to walk on stilts...naked
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
