He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
