She is in my trunk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize