the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
