they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can feel your judgement through the phone
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
