She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
