You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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