My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
