It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
