it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
