but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
whose ass print is on the piano?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
