Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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