Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
