Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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