I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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