this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
