girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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