grandma shit on top of the toilet
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize