I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
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