ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
