My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just had sex on a roof
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
