i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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