I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
