Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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