omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
