her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
