On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
