ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
