so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
