wakey wakey hands off snakey
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
