I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
