After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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