Cold hands, warm shart.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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