We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
