you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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