no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
