Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
