my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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