I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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