Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
