Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
