were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
