why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
