So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
