Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
