i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
