I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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