i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
