The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
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