So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
