i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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