I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize