Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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