She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
