I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize