you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
