I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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