So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
