checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
