i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
