one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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