I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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