Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
