I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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