Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
