This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
