...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
