I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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