My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
