Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
