I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
