Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
