i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
