kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize