Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize