just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
