Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
