I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
