I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
