he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
