U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize