fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
