Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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