i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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