I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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