I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
