I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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