We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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