Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
