Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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