5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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