I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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