Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
