I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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