What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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