you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
