Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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