I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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