the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize