i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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