so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
