Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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