Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
