do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
