i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
