i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
