Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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