I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
