i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
