Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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