you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
